# 7: The Empty Chair and the Sausage Sandwich Man in the Sauna
The Story behind the Passage
I just had a little panic attack. I wanted to write about To Sell Is Human today but then I could not find the book. There is an easy explanation for this: I am (quite) messy. See what my bookshelves look like below! But whenever I try to bring “order” to the mess — what other people consider ‘order’ — it ends up in a disaster. That means I find nothing anymore. When I leave things to the natural order — my order — which might have no resemblance at all with the concept others have in mind, I do find things faster. That is also how it worked out today. I did find the book hidden behind some other books and next to other books which had nothing to do with the topic or the author that I was looking for. But since I know that this is how my order works, I quickly started looking in the right place!
Let us get back to business now: The easy reason why I wanted to talk about To Sell Is Human is: I got a message from Medium today informing me about the statistics of my blog. Since I am not a numbers person I just skimmed the big picture quickly and what I saw was interesting: The post about Women in Business from Wednesday got me my first claps (still have to check out what exactly this means) and it got many views. That somehow told me that the topic of women in business is hot. Well, what a surprise, right? How is this related to To Sell Is Human?
I do think that the aspect of selling stuff — that is what business is about — and selling oneself — that is what life is about (in the way that Pink describes it) — is a big obstacle to people. And I do mean people here, not just women. But I do know that women, especially from highly educated and “intellectual” backgrounds have special trouble with that. In summary, I would say that this is mostly caused due to a lack of desperation. Booooh, yes, I am really making myself unpopular now, but I can live with that. This is not a research paper, I do not have to give you objective evidence. We are a rich society and people who are so afraid of or opposed to selling something usually have enough money from other sources. So, they always go like:
“Hmm, yes, I would love to offer this or that but, really, I am not that much of a marketing person. I just cannot do it. It is really sad but true. I think, there are things that I can do better. I leave the selling part to others. I know this sounds a bit sneaky but that is just how I feel about its…”
If I wanted to be really nasty now, you could translate that into:
“I am not that fucking poor. Why would I make my hands dirty? What would my colleagues and neighbors think about me? What would the people on the other end of the phone think if I called them to sell something? I would look like some Tupperware housewife. No, this is not why I studied or even got a PhD… My place is in a leadership position where I can manage people who do marketing.”
You know, I could go on and on about this topic of how we are such a rich and arrogant society in which people (especially youngsters that consider themselves politicians and frequently appear on talkshows) really think like this and judge others in the way I am (fictionally) hinting at above. The problem is: I am not even writing this to ridicule them. I just think this is very sad. Because, after all, many of these people prefer unemployment over founding their own business or they favor selling themselves by being hired by a large corporation where they drag themselves to work everyday and hate it just because — again — selling something is not “their talent.” If you read Pink’s well-researched book, you will learn how stupid it is to think of sales merely as a job. It is what we all do, all the time, including people in well-respected jobs outside the sphere of business.
Before writing myself into rage here, I just remembered that I still have to tell you about the story of the Sausage Sandwich Man in the sauna. This background is related to where I read the book, at least part of it. You know how you sometimes remember exactly when and where you read a particular book? That is an indication that something struck you about what you read. In my case, the book really struck me because I had been carrying it around for quite a while. It was at a time when I did not read much but always had the intention to read more again. So, I also went to the sauna (which I should do more often, actually, now that the winter is coming up again) at my gym. On Saturday afternoons, it is actually quite empty and quiet there. After happily surviving the 15 minutes in close to 200°F, I did what people usually do then: I went to the relaxation room and made myself comfortable in one of these nice chairs which remind you of the beach. I opened the book and read a few passages. I remember how cool it was to quickly get caught up in the stories Pink tells. As always in these moments, I though to myself: “Why did I postpone reading this book for so long? It is so helpful and fun to read?!”
Even though it was quite empty and quiet in the relaxation room, I was not alone there. Two chairs to my left was another gym member. Yeeeees, this gym member. I am now hesitating to describe him in more detail because that can be quite mean or at least “intimate.” After all, in German saunas you are naked — I mean naked… Naked people are never really pretty, I think, no matter how tall, skinny, tanned, muscular, whatever they are. I think, that is because being naked makes you vulnerable, no matter how nice and friendly the people around you are, vulnerability makes you turn on the protection mode and that, even unintentionally, shapes your body language. You signal: Do not get too close to me. We have grown up in a civilization in which being naked is not for the public (it was different in the GDR, I know, that is a totally different story…).
So, I am going to spare you the physical details and move straight to the most important aspect: I call this guy the “Sausage Sandwich Guy” (he deserves capital letters, the“Wurstbrötchenmann” in German) because he always comes to the gym — nearly always — with a bag from the bakery or some grocery store in which he has at least one sausage sandwich. (In fact, I am pretty sure it is some sort of sausage, though, I have not closely inspected it.) Then he goes to one of the lounges first, enjoys the sandwich, and reads the newspaper. After a while — I cannot tell how much time he reserves for digestion — he starts his workout. Well, whatever he defines as workout…
When I saw this the first time, I did not think much about it. By now, I have come to simply enjoy the Sausage Sandwich Man. Whenever I seem him enter the gym with the little brown bag, I exactly know which ritual is going to follow. And it is such a peaceful and funny thing to watch him with his not so sportive sausage-loving tummy in the middle of this workout environment where people are concerned about six packs, tight yoga pants, and all kinds of vegan diets. It is so funny exactly because he does not seem to think about all this stuff at all! I remember there was one time, though, when he came without a sandwich and I almost walked up to him to ask him whether there was anything wrong.
This time, however, while I was relaxing there with my book, I saw him eat the sandwich in the sauna relaxation room, right there, maybe one yard away from me. Well, that is actually a lie. I did not see him eat it because in this naked sauna atmosphere with only two people in the room, you notice every movement of the other person. I could therefore smell it and hear the crackling of the bag. I could also hear him chew. And all this really made me crack up — inside. I was so amused and happy that I closed my eyes for a moment, just imagining every bite that he was enjoying while this time reading a tabloid magazine.
And after opening my eyes again, I continued reading To Sell Is Human.
“Bezos includes one more chair that remains empty.” That thing about the chair might be a myth or not. As with all stories, the images in our mind that even myths create and the thoughts they trigger are what counts. The sentence reminds me of the power of things — physical objects that symbolize something and that have impact simply because of their presence. And chairs have a special significance in this context. Coaches, for example, often use chairs to make it easier for clients to switch from one perspective or role to another. Well, at least this is the idea. It does not work with all clients. Some really do not like this kind of “role play.” For others, especially for those who live mostly in their head, i.e., rational as opposed to emotional/intuitive, this simple physical move of “switching chairs” can open doors.
“It’s there to remind those assembled whose really the most important person in the room: the customer.” A few years ago, I would have read this sentence merely as a stupid marketing claim. “Yes, sure, companies have to think about the customer first, right… They have to say this.” Today, when I think that I thought this, I could kick my own ass. It is stupid and shows that back then, I knew nothing about entrepreneurship and business, no matter what a smart ass I considered myself to be. Entrepreneurship really is all about the CUSTOMER. And the difference between now and then is that today, this word really means something to me. It is not abstract anymore or hypothetical — it is real and it is filled with life, stories, emotions.
The reason why I am saying that the customer really is everything is not merely because you have to make that customer happy. I think, the customer is crucially important a lot earlier in the process of value creation. He/she or the collective that customer avatar stands for is the one and only ‘thing’ that determines your entire business. This sounds pretty simple but it took me a long time to understand the full scope of this. You can offer just one simple service that in and of itself does not even have to be “tailor-made” in the sense of variety, size, or different prices.
Let’s take writing, for example. Writing a press release works the same way for each and every different organization. There are rules for writing a good press release. You can learn these rules anywhere at Public Relations or Journalism schools where you will also gain the necessary writing skills. There is no rocket science involved and even though the preferences of different newspapers or other outlets slightly differ, there are quality standards that remain fairly stable. In addition, certain institutions might prefer a certain style of writing. Sure. But what I am trying to get at is that your product is called ‘press release.’ That is it. And you can do it for anyone — theoretically.
Again, let me destroy the beauty of theory now. Writing press releases or stories for startups is not like writing press releases for corporates or political institutions, for example. Why? Because of my subjective experience that precedes the writing process. And experience is bound to the people that I work with who in turn are the actors in the stories that I write about. And the way I experience these stories has an impact on the way I see them — both on-site at events and retrospectively when remembering the experience. So, in my case, for example, I get a kick out of crazy people and exciting events. And this very description tells you that it tells you nothing. That is the whole point.
It is a subjective evaluation. It is totally up to my subjective imagination and emotions what “crazy” and “exciting” means. When I, just by means of simplification here, fill that with details by saying that I enjoy being surrounded by creative software engineers who are building new companies instead of spending time among professors of chemistry, for example, that makes it somewhat clearer for you. Objectively, there is nothing wrong or right with either group. And both probably enjoy what they are doing just as much. Still, one group gives me energy, the other does not (at least in theory, right? ;o)). And this energy that resonates with me — or not — determines how curious I get, which questions I ask, how much I am emotionally touched by the people, etc. And that in turn will show in the texts I write.
If you just write more or less standardized press releases, this excitement will most likely not show in the texts themselves because there simply is not much leeway for creative outbursts. Still, your work experience, i.e., the daily hours that you spend on whatever you get paid for, is extremely influenced by your customers, the work environment their prefer, the energy they convey, etc. This is what I mean by ‘your customers are everything.’ Again, I cannot stress this enough: All this is just your personal feeling and your subjective evaluation. Still, all this completely changes your entire business. This is what I am saying. There is a “customer journey” and there is an “entrepreneurial journey,” as I would call it. And this is also why this empty chair resonated so much with my personal learning curve.
“Seeing it encourages meeting attendees to take the perspective of that invisible but essential person.” As a writer and as any well-reflected and somewhat sensitive person, you are able to change perspectives. For many years, I struggled with this capacity. Just seeing things from your own perspective makes life a lot easier and decision-making a lot quicker. After all, the way you see the world is the “right” one, simply because you cannot even imagine that there are other perspectives! This also explains why constant perspective shifts make life so complicated. But with every lesson in life and every hour of too much pondering and questioning, I have come to realize the gift of changing perspectives. Actually, it was this ability that allowed me to become an entrepreneur from one day to the other. When I started in 2018, I did so as a ghostwriter. I think, I have mentioned before how much I loved this and I think I will continue doing it once in a while (actually, the ghostwriter business deserves more attention in some other post).
What I am just trying to say is that this ability to switch perspectives and think the thoughts of another person is a tremendously valuable and even necessary skill in business. And the fact that Bezos introduced this empty chair ritual also reminds me of the fact that being close to the customer usually gets lost the bigger a company is; unless you work in sales or somewhere in a position which allows you to constantly get feedback from customers. When I took my first job after graduating from highshool, the company sold products that I had no relation to at all to customers that I had no real image of because I never got to meet them in person. In sum, I never learned about their stories. I am really happy these days are over. They are over in two respects: I made different career decisions after learning how important it is to actually know and like your customers and I decided for myself that any career without writing stories is not my path.
Reflection Questions
1) If you were to place an empty chair in your meetings — who would be the imagined person sitting in that chair? (It does not have to be a customer — any perspective that you think is sometimes missing from your discussions works.)
2) We all shift between different “chairs” in our daily lives because we have different roles (e.g., private roles of mother or spouse, business roles, hobbies…). Which new role would you like to try out? Which chair/role is bothering you?
3) What do you think about the thesis “to sell is human”? Does it make sense to you? Why/not?