# 444: BOOK OF THE WEEK — “White Teeth”
Story behind the Book Choice
On some days, writing sucks. On exactly the same days, writing is about the only thing I can do. Contradictory? Not at all. Today, everything sucked. But there were also deep insights. The problem is: There are times when you cannot trust your insights because you do not trust yourself. Then it is time for me to write. There literally is nothing else I can focus on or even get done. That is why I am writing now. At least, it feels as if I managed to do at least one thing. If that kind of writing really leads anywhere — hard to tell. If writing leads to anything at all?
The story behind the book choice is simple: I read it in class. I had forgotten about the fact that the book really is that long when I added it to the syllabus. To me, while reading it, it did feel quite long. And I have to admit, I did not enjoy reading it for the most part. But that is just me. And somehow I do not give a shit about what others say today. I am busy with my own mindfucks. And the characters in the book are used to that too. There are far too many names in the book for my taste. Still, most of them are interesting in their own way. And there are a few passages which stuck. Let me write about them just to write — nothing else matters today anyways.
1. Improvement
The passage is about running but it is a metaphor of life. Sometimes we know very well what we are incapable of. And we might not want to change this because deep down we know, we are not made for it. Or we cannot change it. That is the time for acceptance. In this case, the narrator describes this insight about someone else. But if Protestantism is all about accepting, we should also accept our unchangeable inability to improve. Just seeing this makes a huge difference. The only problem remains that we have to be very honest about this — most of all, honest to ourselves. That hurts.
2. Actions
Yes, action is what drives the world. This is scary and liberating at the same time. Everything boils down to the question of what we actually DO. What you play around in your head is just the hell you create for yourself. Whatever does not end up being DONE, will not leave any traces. This is a painful insight for me, however. It separates me from my scholarly past altogether. I cannot go back to believing that all the sophisticated bullshit talk makes any difference. Yes, I know you can change or at least affect people’s thinking and your own by having endless discussions. That is not trivial. And writing about all this bullshit is not trivial either.
I am obsessed with writing, as anybody can see. But the point is, at least writing is an activity that leaves traces. More importantly, however, is that we all remember that action in any field of life makes the ultimate difference. And that difference is always about learning in one way or the other. If we do something wrong, we learn from it. If we get it right, we learn from it. But what others learn from it, even future generations, is not in our sphere of influence. Still, that should at least make us alert to the fact that we should act RESPONSIBLY — to the best of our ability and in line with our authentic personality.
3. Inside and outside
What is being alluded to here is the scene of a rape that might happen but does not happen because an earthquake interferes and a baby is born in the middle of all this. The sentence struck me so much when I read it. It is so true. In these moments, in really traumatic moments, we experience two worlds. This inner world knows that there is a division happening — all of a sudden, there is a past life and some future. The two are disconnected. Old life, new life — maybe. But then, when you have some “clear moments,” you also take this outside perspective. You look at yourself and the world around you from a distance. And from that distance, everything looks as if not much has happened. You cannot see the inner wounds of people. You cannot see the trauma. At least, you cannot see it in this very moment. You can see the scars later, and the wrinkles.
This book has not given me so much, to be honest. But it surprised me with some very striking sentences that will stick. And after all, that is enough. Why do we always expect a book to do much if we can only remember a few pages or sentences anyways? Yes, we usually do remember the story but even the story is read from so many different perspectives and we all see so many different things in it at different times. For sure, reading 500 pages+ can be a pain if there is no real flow, if, for some reason, you cannot really relate to the story. Still, sometimes it makes sense to still read on. There might be some treasures — a few words or sentences — which reward you. At least, that is what I hope for when I make my students read long books :o).
Reflection Questions
1) In which field do you repeatedly fail to improve? What keeps you from accepting this “failure”?
2) Do you agree that only action will determine the future of the next generation? Is thinking also a form of action that leaves traces?
3) Did you ever experience a situation in which you clearly realized this inside/outside division?