# 432: Losing Myself
Almost a year ago,
Probably more
I was there
Then gone.
It went so quickly
And slow at the same time.
— — —
What am I proud of?
“Walking my own path.”
Then I lost that path.
Slowly declining,
Slowly losing touch
With myself.
Not feeling anymore.
Not listening anymore
To my inner voice.
It started screaming
But I muted it.
Trying to be strong.
Let the head do the job.
Then it took many signs
But I ignored them.
Then love knocked
But I was afraid.
If you are not yourself
You cannot love.
You cannot feel.
You cannot touch others.
Then the speed picked up.
Downhill very fast.
A look in the mirror.
Only darkness inside.
Then finally –
The walls fell down.
Many days in a row
One misery after the other.
No end in sight.
My real self screaming.
“Don’t you see.
Wake up!”
“Yes, I hear you,
But I am in prison.
Cannot find the key.”
Then the key found me.
No more fighting needed.
It only takes one night of sleep
For things to fall into place.
“Hello, there. You are back.
I can see you.
You look tired
But the real self is breaking through again.”
— — —
Feeling grateful now
Have to cry.
Happy to cry again.
I missed the tears
And the joy.
A feeling of lightness,
An inner warmth.
Let me embrace you.
My dear ME.
Losing you was not easy.
But it was necessary.
You had to go
For me to miss you so much.
That I could not go on living for long.
Stay with me
Forever after.
And let me know
Where I can do
What I am supposed to do.
“You never marry the biggest love.”
I am ready again
Without fear.
And with all this love inside
To share with the world.
Here, there, and far away.
Found myself again.
Losing my heart to you.
Whoever catches it
Will feel the difference.
Reflection Questions
1) Did you ever feel like you had lost yourself? How did it happen?
2) Do you believe that some people never try to find their “real selves” because they never lost it in the first place?
3) Do you think that the ability to love others strongly depends on your state of mind, not just on who you are?