# 268: BOOK OF THE WEEK — “The Time of My Life”
Story behind the Book Choice
There is no actor I identify so much with as Patrick Swayze. I know this sounds stupid because, after all, I never him, neither did I watch many of his movies. But his life path always fascinated me whenever I learned more about it. Yes, I did watch Dirty Dancing for about two dozen times already. And I love the character of Johnny. As it turns out, Swayze himself admits in his autobiography that he identified with Johnny. In fact, Johnny is Patrick and vice versa. The young man without money or many chances in life gets to win the heart of a girl who is a member of a completely different social class than he is part of — simply because he is who is: a dancer and a wonderful man.
The autobiography was published in 2009, the year he lost his battle again cancer. In fact, the entire book is about many battles he fought successfully. But this one was not meant to be a victory. His voice is clear and touching throughout the book and I read it in one piece today. If there are people who constantly claim that (auto-)biographies are just marketing bullshit, I cannot help it. For me, biographies are the reflections of life that make life worth living. In these books, those who are either facing death or have at least been facing several tough battles pass on their wisdom. This is what remains of them and as I will show in the last passage I have picked for today, this is also how Swayze saw it.
In fact, I could have picked dozens of passages today because there are so many that touched me deeply. Still, one has to make choices in life and this kind of choice making is also a constant theme in Swayze’s book. Yes, based on the success of Dirty Dancing, one might think that he had “the time of his life” forever but all those who know the creative business, particularly the movie business, I guess, also know that movies like this one are the exception, not the rule. And the fame you experience is hardly ever meant to last. In the end, as you are facing the last months of your life, all this does not matter. All that matters is that you want to continue living.
I wish he could have…
- When a dream dies
Swayze mentions this crucial finding of his life early on in the narrative, and he will repeat it in later passages too. It immediately struck me because I am so familiar with it. It is not even that other people make your dreams die. Sometimes life just arranges it this way. I am deeply convinced that the wisdom he shares about moving on to a new dream is so true. In his case, it was his knee and his health that did not allow him to be a professional ballet dancer with a great career. In my case, it was me and my inner voice telling me that I could not go on pursuing a dream I had once had.
You have to trust to make this decision and then life will prove you right.
What I found out, however, is that there are older dreams that might even be deeper than the one you believed was the one and only big thing to achieve. In Swayze’s case, this was true too. Yes, he did everything, endured any pain, in order to pursue his dancing career. But as it was over, he also realized that there were so many reasons pushing him towards this dream which were not necessarily intrinsic. One of these reasons was his mother. The other was his constant longing to be liked, as he writes repeatedly.
You might argue that this is typical of an actor: being liked. In his case, it is not like this. Actually, it is never that easy, by the way. Swayze did not want to be an actor all his life — it was his second dream. Still, dancers want to please people as well but in a different way than many self-declared critics might think. No matter if you perform, write, or paint for your audience: This is not about you, it is about the art you are displaying. For Swayze, there was an additional strong drive to please his parents. No, actually, pleasing is not the right word. He wanted them to feel proud of him, particularly his dad — Buddy.
Anybody who has lost a parent early in life knows what this feels like.
And just calling it a psychological flaw is crap.
It can be a driver too — a strong one.
2. The pattern of reaching the top
When I read this passage, there was nothing else to say or think. It is so true and I know this sounds quite arrogant. But it is true, no matter what. People who work hard and do anything they can to achieve an ambitious goal also tend to get there quite quickly. That in turn means: You ask yourself: What is next? Of course, this line of thinking can only kick in if you do not enjoy the path but simply aim for the goal, you might say now. This might be an indication that Swayze never actually internalized the Buddhist philosophy which also fascinated him so much, as he writes in another passage. But maybe there are people who find their real calling simply because they identify this “pattern.” And the pattern would go on if they did not keep chasing new goals.
The point when you have found something that is indeed always new and that can always be perfected, as acting was for him, is indeed the point when people like that realize they have found this one thing. Swayze makes it clear that the joy and fulfilment he felt when dancing was never quite the same as in acting. Still, he had found this one profession, this calling, that allowed him to always start something new, to always challenge himself again, to always continue learning and researching. Throughout the entire book, you will learn many details about the different movies he played in, his journey to getting these roles, and the the growth behind every role.
And growth is something that acting allows you to do in every role, I guess, because you learn something new about yourself in every role.
3. When those you love die
“When those you love die, the best you can do is honor their spirit for as long as you live. You make a commitment that you’re going to take whatever lesson that person or animal was trying to teach you, and you make it true in your own life. Their having been in your life changed you in some beneficial way, and making that commitment is the only way you can ease the pain of their absence.”
There is nothing to add to this.
Reflection Questions
1) Which movie with Patrick Swayze is your favorite one?
2) What is your take on “finding a new dream when the old one dies”?
3) Which patterns do you find in your career path?