# 238: No, Yes, No
Story behind the Passage
I have been talking a lot about corporate careers with people lately because I have been reflecting on what the value really is. For a long time, I really rejected corporates because I could not stand the way in which you as a person have to give up most of your identity to “fit in.” Well, I think, with all the diversity talk around and all the actual diversity measures really making a difference, this is changing now. But I also rejected many other things about corporates that I had not seen any value in anymore. After going through so many different learning loops, I kind of feel that I am back where I started at the very beginning — more than a decade ago. That means: I do value the value corporates create; for the economy and for individuals working there.
So, am I changing my opinion all the time? No, Yes, No?
Actually, sometimes it might look this way but no. For me right now, there are still things that need to come first. Still, what I also know is that some things now come last which were very much a priority a short while ago. This included acquiring business. The business itself is not even the problem. The problem is the environment in which you do business. It is a definite fact that there is a huge difference between some one-man show business and a real firm. And that changes everything in terms of where your life is heading.
Now, you might still wonder what all this has to do with saying “no” — a lot…
I can understand all people who walk the path of entrepreneurship as some kind of alternative to a corporate career they already had and do not want anymore. What I did not really pay attention to before is that there are many who would never get to really have a corporate career in the first place because they really do not qualify for it. Here I see much clearer now than I used to when I really hated all the corporate stuff: The environment and all the institutional mechanisms do ensure a certain quality control and there are also gatekeepers. In addition, the sophistication of the products and services ensures that there is a certain basic level of quality. In other words: People do not just sell shit.
I am not saying that small business owners sell shit. I am just saying that there are dynamics that enter in this world which are really devastating, at least for me and my subjective perspective. This also means that you enter circles of sales people where everything is about selling your stuff to the others who then sell it to others. As soon as I noticed what was going in such spheres, I felt dirty. I immediately noticed that this was not where I belong, no matter how much I like meeting interesting people, how much I value these people as human beings, and how much I like the challenge of sales. But that was enough. Still, I did not start saying “no” right away. It took some time. Still, today, I do it. This might, however, also mean that you say “yes” to other things.
My Learnings
“Ob Sie sich in ein solches System einklinken, ist allein Ihre Entscheidung.“ / “If you become part of such a system is simply your decision.“ In this passage, the authors talk about “network marketing.” Remember that the book was written in a time when “networks” did not mean what they mean today. Still, their function has not changed much. What keeps changing constantly are the funny marketing and sales methods that come up all the time. Nowadays people in these circles talk about “recommendation marketing” a lot. Many of the mechanisms behind this are vey interesting. But interesting for me mostly means: the source, the actual psychological background of these things are interesting, not the doing. And what I mostly care about today is the “circles” and networks themselves.
The fact that you have all these choices of networking nowadays also tells me that you have plenty of decisions to make whether or not you want to join them. That is the crucial thing that should not be underestimated. If you join a certain circle, you can certainly go back. Still, you enter a sphere in which people behave according to certain rules and they have certain values. If you are a naïve (in a positive way) person like me who only sees people in each and everyone, not a role, a position, or some title, you do not care about all the fancy things people do to appear differently from who they are. Still, the atmosphere does something to you. And at a certain point you realize that, even if you do not care about all this, this is doing something to you, you are wasting your life time. If you once decided to not let this happen but you still catch yourself in moments in which a bunch of people are just trying to sell stuff to each other and this stuff has no quality value according to your standards, you get mad at yourself. And getting mad at yourself really is the most superfluous thing on earth.
So, I know all this sounds quite vague but I have to write it this way because I would otherwise be offending people who are actually great people. They just have to behave the way they behave because the business would not work otherwise. They said no to corporate careers or never got there and that means you have to say “yes” to certain rules, there is hardly any way around it, unless you decide to live on welfare. Still, and that is the most important part of all this, whichever decision you make — whether you say “yes” or “no” to this, it needs to be clear and coherent. And that definitely is the case for me.
What such a “no” to certain marketing and business practices in the small business environment also means is a definite yes to yourself — if that still exists. That is a wonderful thing. You do not feel dirty because there is no reason for this. But it also means that you, more or less automatically, say “yes” to things that you said no to in the past. This time, however, the yes is even stronger because you understand the system better and you appreciate the value. This still does not automatically mean that you say yes to a corporate career.
But you say no to selling yourself at less than fair value.
Reflection Questions
1) In which situations/contexts would you like to say “no” more often?
2) Did you ever have a “wake up moment” when you definitely knew that you were in the wrong place?
3) Would you sacrifice quality if it gave you freedom?