# 214: Storytelling Misunderstanding
Story behind the Passage
Today in a meeting I really had a revelation of what words can do. The “story” is very simple. I had asked a colleague of mine to give a talk in a class and I had also asked her to tell her “story.” I had thought that this was a very simple thing to do because we all have a story and I wanted the students to learn from hers in addition to hearing about whatever else she wanted to share. As it turned out today, I sort of put a burden on her that I had not seen coming. As she explained today, the term “story” to her means something more or less invented, something fabricated or, at least, something very different from what I had meant. What I mean by “your story” is your biography, life as it happened from your perspective, and especially in this case, how it happened that you built up a business.
So, we kind of clarified this misunderstanding today but I am still puzzled about the way it happened. Usually, I am hyper-sensitive about language and specific terms. I always try to make sure that I do not use terms that cause confusion in the first place. To me, storytelling is all about achieving this effect. And I, obviously erroneously, thought that the term “story” is very clear. But I was wrong. And it confused her. All this is the reason why I pulled up this research paper about “Storytelling in Organizations” on my computer just now because it especially deals with the issue of diversity in the context of storytelling. And diversity, above all, is the reason for much misunderstanding. I just had not expected it in relation to “stories.”
Well, misunderstanding always happen when you least intend them…
My Learnings
““Stories help us to make sense of what we are, where we come from, and what we want to be” (Soin & Scheytt, 2006, p. 55).“ This sentence is one of the most simple and hard ones of the passage at the same time. For someone who is not into literary studies or narratology, it might appear very basic or very confusing. For someone in narrative studies, it will probably be very complex, because we make everything very complex in our field. Well, “experts” always make things complicated, right? (By the way, NPT stands for Narrative Paradigm Theory). This is the beauty and the curse of not seeing the wood behind the trees… When I personally reread this sentence, I think of Paul John Eakin and autobiographical theory. I cannot remember if I wrote about him alrady in some other post. One of his book titles says it all: Living Autobiographically — How We Create Identity in Narrative (2008).
So, in other words, our identity very much relies on storytelling — the stories we tell about ourselves, the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, and the story we really believe about ourselves. From my perspective as a pragmatist, I do not care much about the question which story is “right.” In fact, I do not believe there is such a thing. But I very much believe in the fact that some stories work better than others for creating our identity and strengthening it. What I mean by “work” is simply that they contribute to the life and success of the individual. If you tell yourself shitty stories about yourself — psychologists will call this “self-sabotage” — then this has an effect on you. If you tell yourself stories about your lovely and grandiose self, this will also have an effect. What I am thus saying: The story of your life matters.
This is also what confused me so much about the response of my colleague today.
As soon as we had found out about the different definitions, there was still the question of: Why should one tell “it,” even if it is not an intentionally fabricated story? My colleague said two things about this in general: 1) “I am not used to telling my story,” 2) “I think it is boring. I would rather talk about something else.” Well, both responses are interesting to me. Let me start by taking a closer look at the latter one first. I am, of course, aware that “boring” is a subjective evaluation. And what is also subjective is my “wish” of making her tell the story. Maybe the students would not even care about her “story,” in the way that I define it above, i.e., her steps of becoming an entrepreneur. Maybe they would — who knows? But then, the issue is also: If she thinks her story is boring, would she share it in a way that is exciting? And: Why would I “force” someone to share something if he/she does not really want it with all her heart? In both of these cases: The story told would not be filled with passion. And if this is not the case, it would probably also have no effect on the people listening. Or would it?
Complicated…
The first response of her is less complicated, I think. The argument that she is not used to sharing her story is very common, at least from my experience. We are not used to it in many of our institutions because it feels “personal.” And personal is not something that we allow ourselves to bring to the workplace or to public settings. Unless we are talking about some funny or particularly telling stories which we then use to tell all the time to create some particular effect. About this aspect, I am asking myself whether it is not actually really helpful to encourage people to share. I strongly believe that there is too much abstract bullshit in the world. And the only way — or at least a fruitful one — in which people can learn from each other’s experience is by sharing their authentic stories (as authentic as your life story can get if you consider Eakin).
Hmmm…
There is no solution to all these questions now but what we agreed on was to ask the audience how they saw the “story” that we created last week. I am very curious to see and hear what the students got out of it. Maybe they did see a story being told and both of us, my colleague and me, did not see it. Maybe they would have wished to hear more of a story that was not told. Maybe they filled the gaps with their own personal stories… As always with “maybes,” there is only one way of eliminating them — to some extent: By asking for the other people’s perspective. And this, the importance of bringing different perspectives to the table, is something that my colleague and myself understand perfectly well, in spite of all diversity, so there is little misunderstanding.
Reflection Questions
1) How do you define the concept of “story”?
2) What is a story/narrative from your country which is really prominent for describing your culture?
3) If you were to tell your own life story by using a movie or comic character — which one would it be?