# 204: No Return
Story behind the Passage
Today, I sold my first homemade pastries. Well, I did not exactly sell them but I delivered an assortment to a food truck that sold it. You have no idea how thrilling that was — still is. I have ben baking for people for years but now seeing my pastries on display for strangers to buy them was amazing. As always when I do stuff like that, I have no idea where it is taking me. I have always had this dream of opening a small hotel or at least a small café. Of course, I was busy doing other stuff — like having a scholarly career, whatever that means. Since I started living my life instead of the life that some plan might have foreseen at some point in the past, all things seem to be possible. I am not saying that this is always easy. But there is less and less of a gap between “thinking about something” and “actually doing it” — right now.
This is how I came to think about Strelecky’s book today. He is probably the most well-known … what is he, actually? Is he a motivation guru? A spiritual teacher? A management consultant? An author? I have no idea how to call him. Let me check…Well, the first hits I get on Google all start by calling him a “bestselling author” — alrighty, that is what he is. I actually met the guy at a convention about two years ago. He is quite humble and funny with his hat and the blue jeans. He looks very Australian or cowboy-American, yet, he is so not American when it comes to his temperament. Americans, so the stereotype goes, are rather loud and outgoing. Strelecky is the opposite. He seems to be very introverted and quiet. I really felt sympathy when I saw how the masses were beleaguering him to get his autograph or signature in a book. But he took it with extreme calmness. What else would you expect from someone who has found himself and shares this wisdom in his books?
No, I do not want to talk too much about him today. I do not know too much about him anyways. What I know is that I really enjoyed reading the book whenever I read it. Almost 15 years must have passed by now and he still seems to be very popular. When I read it back then, I could very much identify with what was written in the story. After all, I had already started my journey at the age of 22 when I quit my first job and had no idea where to go, at first. But looking back at all this now, I would say, that was only a tender beginning of breaking free. But there is no measurement, of course. You cannot say “I am a little bit on my way of finding myself…” Or maybe there are different levels of it. I do not know. What I know is that at some point in my life, I must have visited the Café Why without consciously noticing it.
My Learnings
“Wenn jemand wirklich wissen möchte, warum er hier ist, muss er die Antwort selbst herausfinden.“ / “If someone really wants to know why he is here, he needs to find the answer himself.“ This is such a powerful sentence because it reflects one of my biggest learnings from the past — let us say — maybe even ten years now. You know, I was a completely single-minded and not so social person at some point. So, every decision I made, I made it myself without asking other people for their opinion or feedback. That was, I have to be honest now, because I did not think that they had much to contribute.
Does that sound like a jerk?
It probably does…
And it is probably true.
The point is, since I saw myself as a jerk at some point, I tried to fix this. So, I started asking lots of people and got to know more and more people. That was all very nice and all of them had very valuable things to say whatever I asked them. Especially during the three years as an entrepreneur, however, I have learned one thing very clearly: It does not help much to ask all others about their perspective. I know, this sounds terrible again but when you run a business, you immediately see the results of your decision making. And whenever I was not clear and did not follow my gut feeling, no matter how uninformed that might have been, I did not make any money. What is even more important: Sometimes I made money because I followed the advice of someone — but it did not feel right.
Not that I ever cheated anybody or so, no, that is not the point .The point is that you have to do what your heart tells you to do, no matter what. But you have to learn how to listen to it first. That is the journey that some people embark on — or not. If you have started it, however, I do not think there is any way back; there is no return. You cannot unlearn becoming yourself. I know, it would take a long spiritual discussion now of what “self” means. I do not feel like I want to get into this now. What I simply mean is that you are on the way of living your life the way your nature has sort of pre-programmed it. I know, there will be many people arguing now that such determinism does not exist. I actually agree, kind of. I am not saying that every little step is predetermined. But you do have certain predispositions and traits that mark your personality and there are things that are more in line with this and some that are not.
Many people who follow whatever strategic plan they have in mind usually do not pay attention to what they feel inside. They do whatever rationality dictates. That is fine, I am not judging. I just know that my rationality would never have told me that I sell pastries on a food truck and join a collective initiative to renovate and cultivate an old courtyard. But here I am, I feel as if I had won the lottery — just better. That is what really counts: The moment of feeling happy, of feeling completely in line with nature and at peace. It does not matter so much if you have real awakening moments before you experience this or not. It does not even matter how you get there. Some people are led there by suffering, by people by joy, some people by nothing in particular. I do not even know if Strelecky really experienced a spiritual awakening apart from the fact that his writing suggests it.
That is also what the narrator in the Café Why learns: Just like there is not “the one happy life,” there is not one way of getting there. This is also why all my asking other people turned out quite in vain. You have to find it yourself, nobody else can do it. It is your life and it is your path. If life throws questions at you, you need to answer them yourself — if you are ready for it. And you are ready for it because the questions would not even be there if you had not “asked for them.” One part of being ready means that you are willing to jump. You are willing to let go of old ideals and you trust that life will guide you, no matter what. You trust that things will happen the way they happen, no matter what. You have no idea where your money will come from the next month or if you will have something meaningful to do. All of this is uncertain. But as soon as you embrace this uncertainty without holding on to “false” plans that are just there to offer you some “conventional” way of life, you are ready for trading the future with the now. That is the entire secret.
“Why is it that we spend so much of our time preparing for when we can do what we want, instead of just doing what we want right now?” — Strelecky 61
Reflection Questions
1) How do you feel after reading this?
2) Did you ever end up in a place similar to the “Café Why” where you were confronted with existential questions of your life? If you have not been there — would you like to go there?
3) Does “living in the moment” mean anything to you? How do you achieve this state of mind?