# 2: Take Them to Lunch! Book Conversations among Executives
Story behind the Passage
“Delivering Happiness” is a special book for me. It was recommended to me by my best friend Michael. Just like myself, Michael is a startup freak. We did not know this back in 2010 when we first met at a conference at Harvard University but since then, we have gone through almost every startup “mindfuck” together (that’s simply how we describe it best). As with most creative people who also spent a lot of time in academic institutions, we struggle with balancing the big picture thinking that we learned in university and the hands-on solutions that our creative minds come up with almost 24/7.
I remember very well how Michael described the book to me on the phone: “You HAVE to read this book but don’t do it now!” (We were in the middle of another mindfuck period, so any additional distraction would have made things worse.) “Just buy it and read it whenever you feel like your mind is calmer. The positive energy you get from reading it is addictive. I promise.”
Well, Mike did not promise too much. I think, at least in this case, however, I did listen to his warning and postponed reading the book for a few months. Still, the energy and the insights I gained have accompanied me ever since. As Michael had promised, the book really teaches you much about delivering “WOW” to customers. And one has to add that Michael knew exactly what he was talking about. He had been a product manager for several years and we often talked about how companies lose their original DNA and culture — mostly unintentionally — as they grow.
The book actually continued to pop up in my own business story as well. I remember when trying to explain to my first startup client how I can help them figure out their own story with my book writing, he mentioned Zappos as the first example that came to his mind. “You mean, a book like the one about Zappos? Like a founder story?” “Yeah,” I replied. “Exactly, like the Zappos book. This is what I mean. It is not just a heroic marketing story to pump up your founder ego. It is about passing on your insights and authentic experiences to other founders and to your own team,” I explained.
The passage above is not about these well-known lessons about outstanding customer service or the management system of holacracy which Tony Hsieh, co-founder of Zappos and author of the book, has become known for (among many other things). I chose this passage like I will be choosing all passages that I discuss in this blog: I flipped open the book and skimmed through the passages that I marked (see in the pic below what my books look like after I am “done” with them). When I saw this e-mail exchange between Fred Mossler and Tony Hsieh, I knew I wanted to talk about it.
My Learnings
“I was thinking about our book conversation.” Moss who was a leading executive at Zappos and responsible for many different departments at the company, including Customer Loyalty and HR, directly shared his thoughts about the significance of a company library with Hsieh in an e-mail that obviously referred back to a personal conversation from the day before. Now you might go like: “Yeah, so what, this is obviously what is written there. Where is the point?” Well, pause for a moment. How often do you have conversations/meetings/coffee chats with people but — you do NOT send a follow-up e-mail? Moss is writing “I was thinking” which means the conversation kept resonating in his mind and only this caused him to come up with ideas what would then ultimately lead to pragmatic steps concerning setting up a company library. If someone makes you ponder — tell that person. Getting back to someone means feedback. And feedback looks are the no. 1 condition for learning.
“Perhaps, you would take to lunch once a month, the people that have completed the recommended books?” What Moss is writing here can be summarized in one word: INCENTIVES. If you want people to do something, you need to offer some kind of reward (I do not like the word quick win, can’t help it) to get them started. Everyone in business knows this but just as many underestimate that “reward” or “incentive” does not have to be related to money. Of course, getting a free lunch is nice. But what Moss is suggesting here is something else. By telling Hsieh that he would take them to lunch, the stress is on the personal relationship. In other words: spending time with someone you do not get to see every day because he happens to be the CEO is a reward. And that is not, at least ideally, due to a mere difference in hierarchy. Spending time with someone who has managed to set up a company offers a learning opportunity. And the same holds true for the other party, in this case Hsieh. In personal conversations, he gets a chance to walk the talk by showing that learning and personal growth are not just theoretical concepts he picked up from a consultant.
E-mail leadership. In an essay I once wrote about the process of Ursula von der Leyen becoming the new President of the European Commission, I explained the crucial role of letter writing in contemporary politics — even in the digital age. In Delivering Happiness, e-mails (which can be considered the modern form of letters, “epistolary”) repeatedly play a role. And this is something to remember when talking about leadership communication. Directly sending out an e-mail to staff members or even sharing excerpts from e-mail conversations in a memoir or company handbook makes a difference. In other words: Form follows function.
When talking about “communication,” most people still focus on the content, i.e., the data/facts/info to be conveyed. Well, as most people also know — but only in theory — effective communication does not work that way. If you want to demonstrate that you are an open-minded and accessible leader who embraces learning, loves books and writing, and talks to people on eye level — then: DO IT! Sending an e-mail to your employees reflects this attitude a lot more than putting together a theory-laden Powerpoint presentation about how to change corporate communication and presenting it at some huge workshop or in a keynote lecture with 1.000+ people in the room. E-mails are usually read by people individually, even if there are many recipients copied in.
To sum it up: “Don’t talk about what you want to do, just do it.” But: Please do it yourself! Your communication needs to be authentic. If you are not a writer, then find some other medium to convey your story (and story can be any business-related message). What is important is that you pass on your message in personal words. This makes people feel they have an idea what is going on in your head. They might not like it but at least this gives them a feeling of security because what they hear from you is what they see.
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Somehow this post has turned out as a “how to communicate” mini lecture. This was not my intention when I started writing. But this is how it happens with written thoughts. They take you somewhere and your fingers follow on the keyboard. At the end, you have the chance to mark everything and push “Del.” I am not going to do this, though. Even though what I am writing above might sound a bit teacher-like, communication is one of the most important things in the business world today. And it is a major reason why businesses fail or at least underperform — startups and corporates alike.
So, no matter if you agree or disagree with what I have learned from the passage, I encourage everyone to think about this topic twice. This especially applies to those founders and executives whose brains can do 1,000 things simultaneously. Make the effort to let others take part in your rollercoaster thinking. It is worth it, even if it sounds like “oh no, just a waste of time” to your efficiency-oriented ears. Being a “high context” thinker is a great gift but it can backfire if people get lost. And these people are not some people — they are your team members. Without them, your thoughts are worth nothing because they help you implement them.
Exactly these team members become afraid of you if you do not talk to them and the first thing they always “hear” is what you “do” — to them. That is like dropping bombs without warning, to put it bluntly, it is unfair. And, no, I am not a natural talent in this field either. That is exactly why I am thinking, teaching, and writing about it. Every major conflict I learned from (the hard way) was related to me not talking enough. But awareness, as we know, is the first step towards changing things to the better.
Reflection Questions
1) How do you make sure that (in-)formal personal conversations are followed up on to ensure that words are transformed into action?
2) Is there a library at your company? Why/not? Which books would you like your employees/co-workers to read?
3) How would you describe your own communication style? Which feedback did you get on this in the past? Which specific measures can help you improve? (Option: Write down one thing right now that you can start doing tomorrow, Monday, and check on Friday how this change has affected your practice.)