# 146: Somewhere Else
Story behind the Passage
The passage is from a book I discussed in my Ph.D. thesis back in 2013. I remember the story very well, like most of the narratives by Arab American women that I worked on. The funny thing is that for so many years, all this work was so far in the past for me. I dealt with so many different projects and topics in the meantime that this era of my scholarly life simply moved to the background. But my relationship to Arab culture and the MENA region never left me. Even now when I open the book, this all feels very close (even though I have not been on a plane for more than a year now). And the reason why all this is coming back to me now is because I am realizing that some topics never leave you because people still associate you with them and whenever they approach you, all this comes back.
If you let that happen, of course.
That is the funny thing I am thinking about today. I am realizing that, without me planning on it, several projects I am doing these days are related to the Middle East or I work with people who are originally from the region. It is fun and feels great. This is the most important thing but also it is so weird in some ways. I had not planned on this. Life did it. And there again is all the superstition of human thinking; because I know, of course, that it did not just happen like this. I know how I met the people I am currently working with and who introduced me to them. I did not have any specific project plans when meeting them, even if that was in a professional context. But obviously, something unconscious made us form a bond. And this bond is making us work together in a way that it does not feel like work. I mean, it is not just us working together, there are other people from other countries involved. But in another project, it is very similar. It also deals with my “Arab” past.
Or is it the present?
My Learnings
“That was as far as my vision could stretch.” I am thinking about this particular sentence because I do not think it was true for me. But I am not saying this because I grew up as a cosmopolitan or something. I just think that I lived so much in my imagination (and I watched so many TV series from other countries!) that I never just thought about Germany or even my neighborhood as the borders surrounding or even limiting my vision. To be honest, as far as I can think back to my childhood, I always dreamed about living abroad, particularly in Africa (I blogged about that before # 78: Africa. Story behind the Passage | by Silke Schmidt | Medium). So, in any case, maybe that is what weirdo kids are like. Their imagination is so wild that they lose touch with the actual place they live in.
I also think it has something to do with growing up as an only child — not that other children do not have this kind of imagination but it might be a reason. You always create your own world when playing or when reading books in solitude. So, automatically, I think you also create other places. Still, it is funny that I remember so well that the places I designed in my head were never close, they were always far. Even though I had never visited these places in person, I still knew I wanted to live abroad, particularly in the desert. But here is the important thing: I also know that I did not just want to be there because of the surroundings, I wanted to be there because of the people. Somehow I always felt better among people who were not from my country. I know, this sounds really terrible but it was like this. I loved being around people who spoke different languages, ate different food, wore different clothes.
Somehow, everything felt calmer and easier around them.
“As a child, I could never have imagined that I would have family and friends in so many countries.” Well, as far as family is concerned, that is not really true in my case, except for my adopted U.S. family and someone who is almost family in the Middle East. Still, most of the people close to me are far away. I just realized this when I put together a list of people the other day whom I wanted to contact because of something. So, in the case of Kaldas, she wonders about this. In my case, I should not really wonder, right, given what I am saying above about my early childhood dreams? Since I ended up traveling a lot, I “left” friends in these places. Or rather, my friends left me but I was the one making this happen because I did not stay. In addition, many people from my country whom I was friends with in the past have left because they also prefer living abroad.
I really wonder if some of us were somehow born in the wrong culture. I mean, yes, culture is part of socialization, so, you actually ‘get’ it along the way. But maybe some part of you inside is pre-programmed in a different way, even if it has nothing to do with the country background of your parents. And then you simply do not feel at home, even if your country of origin still is your country of residence. Whatever it is, I am just so happy that life does all this to you — that it brings the “right” people to you because you are sending out the “right” signals to the universe. The best thing is: This happens more or less naturally. And with it, great projects come and new opportunities emerge.
Given all this: Why the heck do we always try to plan and manage if life is just supposed to happen the way it does?
Reflection Questions
1) Which country do you feel most at home in?
2) Where do your closest friends live — in one place or in many different places — far or near?
3) Can you remember when you first made the discovery which Kaldas describes about recognizing “that the world’s boundaries were far greater” than previously imagined? What was the reason?