# 12: Paradigm Shifts and Humility
Story behind the Passage
Yes, I know, this is a long screenshot today. And it is not even from a startup story. I have chosen this story today because I had three conversations in the last 24 hours that made me think of it. The word that connects all of them is: humility. We do not live in an age in which this term seems to be popular, I guess. I think, for the largest part of my life, I did not know its meaning myself. Then life made me learn it without warning. And when I then came across the story above in Covey’s book, I knew exactly what he meant by “Paradigm Shift.” This story has never left me. This is why…
My Learnings
“Paradigm Shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another.” Actually, there is nothing new about this insight and basically I could put it at the beginning of all my articles. Changing the perspective of someone is the ultimate goal of anybody teaching others — be it in a classroom, with a book, a blog, or any other didactical tool. But there are these moments when big Paradigm Shifts happen and the moment described by Covey is one of them — at least for me. Whenever catching yourself in a moment of tremendous shame, there is no way of ignoring it. The only way to move on is to accept that you were wrong — with what you were thinking, doing, saying… This makes one feel humbled.
The reason why I am saying that even this contemporary crisis does not seem to invite humility is because I have no idea what else needs to happen to make people understand that certain natural disasters, including pandemics, affect each and everyone. They strike without warning. They do not stop just because you are rich or famous. One would think that in the face of so many human tragedies, people realize how “human” they are — in the sense of: we are all the same. That is a big part of what humility means to me. But that does not seem to impress people that much anymore. There are too many who move on as though nothing had happened.
But I sound a bit resigned and cynical here. The point is: When I say “anymore,” this suggests that things were different before. That is wrong, I think. This goes into the direction of “everything was better in the old days.” That makes no sense. Things were different in the past. Things will be different in the future. But after all — humans are humans and every change we might be witnessing is just a slight variation of the big picture. Now I am getting unhappy with this text because I am losing focus which is sharing one of my own short stories about a Paradigm Shift from a few years ago. I had not read Covey’s book at the time yet but when I read it a few year after, I was reminded of this incident. Funnily enough, my story also happened in NYC, just like Covey’s. But really, my own story of humility had started many years earlier in Detroit already. This would lead too far, however.
It was Christopher Street Day in NYC and I was supposed to catch the plane back to Germany in the afternoon. As far as I remember, I did not even stay in the city but only got there in the morning, coming from Philadelphia by bus as I usually do when I visit. The point was: I had not paid attention to the fact that Christopher Street Day would be happening on the day of my departure. But even before we reached the central bus station, it was clear that the city was preparing for a huge parade and the traffic was already affected.
As usually when unexpected events happen — I was very curious. Of course, I had seen news reports about Christopher Street Day before but I myself never go to any parades in Germany, not even carnival. But I knew that this was a big deal and many tourists, not even talking about U.S. citizens from all over the country, had probably come to the city just because of the parade. So, since I happened to be there now, I decided to watch what was happening. I had to change my original plans anyway because many streets were blocked and there was no way to get through to certain places.
What follows now might sound as if this had been the first trans-Atlantic trip of an inexperienced traveler! In fact, as people who know me also know, the opposite is the case. I have been traveling on my own since the age of 17. But what I did in NYC was quite dumb. Well, you could also say: I was a bit too optimistic as far as the traffic situation was concerned. When afternoon approached, I did make my way to the bus stop of the airport shuttle a bit earlier than necessary — at least, I thought I was early. As it turned out, I should have been there at least two hours earlier to make it to the airport in time. Good thing I did not know this yet as I was waiting.
30 minutes went by, 45, 60… Three busses should have departed from the stop during this time but nothing happened. The guy from the bus company was on his walkie-talkie all the time but nobody could do anything about the situation. Even though, the parade was happening in a very different part of the city and should long have been over by now, the entire city was somehow stuck. The cars were not moving and no buses came. The people around me with their luggage were getting more and more impatient. I was not even that worried. I had experienced many situations like this one before and somehow always ended up catching the plane or the bus or whatever it was. This time, however, it really seemed as if nothing was moving.
To make a long story a bit shorter: A bus finally arrived and we got on but by that time, we were about one hour before my scheduled departure which meant that there was hardly any way that I would get on the plane — at least not if the plane was on time which seemed to be case. I could just hope that, because the entire city was somehow not functioning, all passengers would be late. But that was only a dear wish, I knew that. The people on the bus were really furious. Many were standing in the aisle which was not allowed but all just wanted to move. Some started yelling, some even seemed to start crying. They were all worried about their flights and when the bus driver then even said that he had to take a break at the next stop — the anger really exploded.
The passengers tried to force him to either move on or open the doors, so they could change into a cab. I thought to myself that this would make no difference. The cabs were moving at turtle pace as well. By that time, I had already given up my flight. This would be the first time that I ever missed a plane, I thought. But I did not even focus that much on my own thoughts. I focused more on watching the others. There were so many people yelling and being angry that at first, I had no real idea who actually had a reason to be in panic and who simply decided to be trouble makers without a good reason because their their planes would only leave much later in the evening.
One of the passengers, however, the lady sitting behind me, she was different somehow. Her behavior showed a mixture of anger, fear, panic, and abandonment. She was holding the tickets in her hands — holding on to them. She was just mumbling: “But I need to catch that flight, I have to, please go on, I have to catch that flight…..” I turned around and asked her about the exact flight time and her destination. She had to go to Paris, I think. The time indeed showed that she could still make it if we really managed to move. But it did not look like it. Her hands were shaking, she had tears rolling down her cheeks. I tried to talk to her and calm her down by telling her that it would be alright. Even if she missed the flight, more planes would leave the East Coast that day. “There are always ways, you will be o.k., no worries, it is just a flight…,” I kept saying in a calm voice.
No, it was not just a flight, I then learned. “My father is dying in Europe this very minute. I have to go. I have to go now. Please…,” she kept looking at the driver. She was pleading. She was crying more. Then she looked me straight in the eyes. “Do you think I will make it?”
What could I say? I did what I always do in situations like these. I held her hand for a short moment and told her that it made no sense for me to lie to her or raise false expectations because nobody knew for sure but the chances were indeed approaching 0. What was for sure, however, was that this was an emergency and that she would get offered a spot on the next plane at special conditions. “You will get on the next plane for sure,” is what I told her. It was the only honest thing that I was convinced of.
What I did not tell her? I had been in her place only a few years before…
After she had said what she had said, I was absent-minded for the rest of the trip to the airport. I did continue talking to her and calming her down as best as possible but I cannot remember what the other passengers did and how long it took us to get to JFK. All this was not important to me anymore. I had had experienced another “Paradigm Shift.” In these moments, people who worry about time and money and missed business meetings because of missing a plane simply seem silly, like caricatures of themselves. I would have wished for them to experience this “Paradigm Shift” but not all of them were aware of what the lady was going through. I was.
The rest of the story is not important. In short: I did miss the plane, I got booked on another plane that still left the same evening to Frankfurt via Paris. I had to cancel my classes for the next morning because I did not make it to Germany in time. I got back safely. I never missed a plane after this. But I am quite happy I missed this one while sitting on this very bus.
“Paradigm Shifts” do not ask for permission. They attack you out of the dark. And that is a good thing. We humans have a very peculiar ability to forget about them, even if they have changed our lives already. We unlearn our learnings.
This is why it is so great that powerful stories like Covey’s also attack you out of the blue. Or would you have expected to find such a story in a “self-help” book about effective management?
See, this is what humility is all about.
Maybe such a Paradigm Shift helps you see that books carry wisdom that is not printed in fat letters on the cover or in the blurb. You need to get into them to allow them to unfold their power of making you see the world “from another place.”
Reflection Questions
1) Do you have the feeling that you are “highly effective”? If yes, what helped you develop this ability? If not, how can you improve?
2) If you were to write a “self-help” book — what would be the topic?
3) What kind of Paradigm Shift would help your company grow?
Learn more about Silke’s 365 Days Blogging Challenge
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