# 102: No Time for Assholes
Translation:
“In my life, I have always pulled off the things that I decided to do after thinking about them thoroughly. By now, I am used to the fact that people do not believe me. In former times, I was still afraid of this. But I have always prevailed with all consequences which I had previously considered.”
Story behind the Passage
There are days when you just want to hit people in the face. These people are assholes. But if you are a bit older or at least more grown in your personality, you know that exactly these encounters teach you something. They teach you that you yourself invited people into your life that do more harm than good to you. And the interesting question is: Why did you do this? Why do you maybe continue doing this with other people as well?
I had such a déjà-vu moment today and I need to let go of this person. The funny thing is: This always happens with people whom you greatly admire for some reason. In my case, this reason was outstanding expertise, or so I thought. But maybe I simply tapped into the typical women’s trap by thinking: “All these big guys they know how it works and I am so lucky to get their help.”
Maybe I never even needed this help in the first place.
This made me think of Horst Lichter’s story. He is a famous cook by now in Germany. He has been through all the shit that you can go through in a lifetime , including a stroke, divorce, financial struggles, losses of loved ones… The book No Time for Assholes is a wonderful documentation of how he looks as his life retrospectively. And the major lesson is, of course, that you should start getting rid of all the people that do not do you any good as early as possible.
The tragic thing is only that these moments when you realize that someone does not actually help you, even though you thought so, make you realize again that basically, you have to always stand on your own feet. Nobody is going to help you, really. I know that this is not true in certain ways. You might have family members or friends who help you anyways. I do hope you have this. But these people might not be able to help you professionally. So, you have to do it yourself. As always; if you do not do it, if you do not manage, if you do not persist, you will not make it.
My Learnings
“In my life, I have always pulled off the things that I decided to do after thinking about them thoroughly.” It is the same for me. It is just that some weird dependency enters your life when you start listening to other people so much, to “experts.” The more you listen to them, the smaller you feel. It happens naturally. After everything they say, you think to yourself: “Oh, Gosh, I would never have thought it works this way, I am so thankful.” Sometimes or actually quite often, however, you do not actually achieve the result you aimed at. But magically, you still have this false memory in your mind that you did need the advice of this other expert before making a decision.
I am not saying the world does not need counselors, consultants, or mentors. I consult and coach as well. The problem is that anyone can become an expert. YOU can become an expert if you simply trust in your gut feeling. If you are not a complete cheater, you realize when you are learning more and you notice that it is completely fine, even natural, to feel your confidence rising. Do not compare yourself to others and doubt your own expertise. Instead, trust in yourself and stop listening to others. Stop this vicious cycle of dependency which goes like: “I know what the solution is. But let’s ask xyz, just to double check. … Oh, the answer of xyz is completely different. Sure, he is right, how stupid I was”
There does your original gut feeling. There goes your self-confidence.
This is when assholes gain the upper hand in your life.
“By now, I am used to the fact that people do not believe me.” Yes, this is true for me too. Not that people think I am not reliable. They know they can count on me a 100%. Sometimes, they just do not believe that I will achieve whatever I set myself as a goal. But I usually do, no matter what. And this is when you realize that you can give a shit about other people’s opinion. It is just their opinion, that is all. Do not allow them to make it your reality because they actually have no power over reality. You create your reality with your own actions. Yes, you will make mistakes. But they will be less serious than by always listening to other people.
“But I have always prevailed with all consequences which I had previously considered.” If you are a fighter personality, this is what will happen. Kick the asses of all assholes and do your thing. All else is irrelevant.
“LISTEN TO YOUR HEART”
Reflection Questions
1) Do you have the feeling that you can let go of more assholes in your surroundings?
2) Has it happened to you that you listened to people more than was helpful?
3) What is a decision that you are struggling with in your life right now? What does your heart tell you about this?